2.

Yesterday marked exactly 2 months since I arrived in Odessa, and something strange has come over me whereby I feel like I ought to take some time to reflect on the 60 something days that have passed. A really crazy old lecturer at university told me that I needed to use my time spent abroad to 'find myself'. I responded to him by awkwardly laughing as I didn't really know what to say in reply, and just thought he was talking his usual nonsense. I now realise that the old fella was actually giving me some sound advice, and that during these last two months in particular I have actually come a long way, and changed quite a lot as a person.

Firstly, I've realised that I can do things, and that I shouldn't talk myself out of doing things. I've managed to get to Odessa in one piece, sort all of the boring paperwork out upon my arrival and travel to Kiev by myself, all without any massive drama or major freak outs from me! It may seem really odd to some people that I'm proud of myself for travelling somewhere on my own, but I was initally pretty terrified by the prospect of it all. I'm also in such a position whereby I can't rely on anyone to do the talking for me, which means I am having to ask questions if I'm not sure of anything, and having to actively make conversations with people, which is something I hate doing when I'm speaking English, mind about Russian. Luckily, Ukrainians, as a rule, are generally a bit more friendly than Russians, which has made life a little easier.

Another thing I've learnt is that you don't need a huge group of friends to be happy. I've never been one of those people who has about 700 Facebook friends, and is acquainted with virtually everyone - that just isn't me. It has sometimes been really hard here, because I don't really know anyone apart from my roommate, my teacher (lol), and a few others. It seems really difficult to meet people, as everyone is kept so separate. It's a complete contrast to last semester, where I seemed to have plans every day and was often out from 11am until 11pm, which was completely exhausting. Conversely, I'm learning to enjoy my own company here, which isn't all that bad. It's really nice to have time to do things and be a little selfish. I'm reading for pleasure more than I have done since starting my degree, I'm learning Ukrainian, and I'm doing some seriously good running. I'm obviously not going to turn down making new friends here if the opportunity arises, but for now it's just really nice to be so relaxed and be getting so much done.

Since being here I've also realised that some people aren't as prepared to help you through the shitty times as others. Which I guess is fine, because some people don't want to have to listen to someone else's emotional baggage, but can also sometimes be a little deflating. I guess it's just surprised me at times, because I've found myself talking to people who I really wouldn't expect to be talking to about how I'm feeling when something Ukraine related has annoyed me, or when I'm feeling homesick. I guess it goes without saying though, that my parents have been just as good as ever at listening to my whinging and whining (poor sods).

Most of all, I think I've learnt how to feel content and happy since I came out here. It really hasn't always been easy, but I've managed to keep it together. It feels I've come a long long way recently, as over the past year or so I've had some really shitty times where I've not felt like getting out of bed, or doing anything constructive for days on end. Right now, it isn't like I'm on some massive life high or anything daft like that, things just feel really steady and normal, which is all I want really.